


Always Beside You

by concept_unexplained



Category: Castle (TV 2009)
Genre: Alexis has nightmares, Alexis is 20, F/M, Post Target, Ryan and Jenny are separated, Set after Alexis was kidnapped
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-24 07:42:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30068940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/concept_unexplained/pseuds/concept_unexplained
Summary: After a traumatic experience in Paris, Alexis finds comfort in someone that doesn't expect anything from her, and most importantly, doesn't judge her. Unfortunately, that person is also one her father's best friends and someone she has admired for years. He helps her through her fears, but who will help her through her feelings?
Relationships: Alexis Castle/Kevin Ryan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	1. Keeping it together

The first time Alexis met everyone at the 12th precinct, she had been curious and excited to finally put names to faces. Sure she had passed by everyone on her way to bail her father out on his first case, but she wasn't looking at anyone then. Too busy with getting her nut-brain Dad out of lockup. He wasn't friends with any of them yet, and she had no way of knowing that she had quickly passed by some of the most impactful people in her father’s, and maybe even her, life.

No, she doesn’t count that time as the first time she met everyone. For the first time she met them, she was looking. 

Looking at the fond and amused smile on her father’s face as he interacted with Detective Beckett. Looking at her beautiful but cold exterior that softened at his antics. Looking at Lanie's’ sweet but sassy attitude. Looking at the interesting nature of Captain Montgomery as he joked with he detectives like friends and not like his underlings. Looking at Detective Esposito and Detective Ryan ganging up and teasing her father like old drinking buddies. And looking at Detective Ryan’s stunning blue eyes and infectious smile.

It was her first time meeting the people that her Dad talked nonstop about. It almost felt like she knew them herself. She was extremely interested to see everyone’s face and match them to the profile that she had pieced together in her head from her father’s endless antidotes. She had been fifteen at the time and after that first meeting, she had developed a bit of a crush on Detective Ryan.

He was clearly the youngest of the bunch, looking to be only in his mid-twenties. And yes, as a young female, she could appreciate his handsome features and kind demeanor. But it was just a little crush, someone to shyly glance at when visiting the station. It wasn't like she was looking to pursue one of her father’s best friends. Plus, he would never look at her as anything other than Castle’s daughter. Nor should he, she was still in high school at the time.But of course her own logic never stopped her from stealing glances at the Irishman from time to time.

Now she was no longer a child, and she has known everyone for years, except perhaps the new Caption Gates, but with everyone else she would say that they got along fairly well. But no matter what, they would always be her father’s friends. And she would just be “Castle’s daughter.” Which is why she finds it surprising that the rest of the team was coming over just to see her.

Though she guesses that it shouldn't be too surprising. She had been kidnapped and taken to Paris for several days. An event that has made her think about the past and lament a future that she may never see. It made her think about her life, all choices she made, all the things she would never be able to do, love she may never be able to share.

And at that time, when she allowed her mind to wonder this path as she sat in the grey room they locked her in, she may have envisioned a pair of blue eyes. But she would quickly think of something else. She tried not to let her mind wander to negative thinking. Tried not to miss things she never had.

Of course, she is her father's daughter so she was able to keep it together for her friend, Sara, and for herself. Choosing to keep her emotions at bay so that she was able to stay calm and await any opening for escape. Then her father and apparently grandfather came to save her.

She was safe. Safe to let her mind wander again.

The adrenaline was gone, and the feelings that she had kept back were all starting to hit her like a ton of bricks.

She could have died. All her plans and ambitions, gone. Wiped from the Earth. She didn't know if she would be able to sleep soundly in her dorm room or peacefully study in the campus courtyard like she had been only a few day prior. She knew when she walked into her Dad’s apartment and saw Grams and Beckett anxiously waiting for them, she couldn’t leave her home, her safety, for the next few weeks at least.

Hugging Grams and being back home made the dam to her held in feelings crack, but she kept it together. She wanted to be alone, in the safety of her bed, under the covers that no monster could penetrate, before she let herself cry out the enormous pressure and fear she had been under for the last few days.

But apparently that wasn't going to happen as soon as she would like because as she was excusing herself for bed, her Dad stopped her saying “Woah honey, wait a few minutes. Espo just called. The boys and Lanie are on their way to see you. They were all really worried about you.” He had then looked to Kate, “They all never gave up and worked through the night to find you. I am so thankful.”

So here she was, with a broken dam holding back a flood of tears, waiting for her Dad’s friends. The only reason she didn't just tell everyone that she would see them later was because she really was thankful. She doesn’t doubt that they worked to the bone and exhausted every resource looking for her. They are all really great people. And she was thankful for them. For her Dad. So she stayed.

Then there was a knock on the door and Lanie was barreling in to give Alexis a huge hug.

“Darling, I am so glad you’re safe”

Alexis and Lanie had gotten close when she interned for the M.E’s office. She smiled into the hug.

Then Lanie let go saying more to the universe than to her, “Don’t scare us like that again, Alexis.”

Alexis gave her arm a squeeze and promised to do her best.

Esposito came over to comfort Lanie before giving Alexis a side hug, “So happy to see you. Gave us all a fright. Especially Castle.”

She didn’t doubt it. She knew her Dad would do anything for her. Usually she would call him overprotective, but in this instance, she feels that he was perfect the way he was. If it wasn't for him, she wouldn’t be here. She was starting to feel emotional again, but her obligations for the night were almost over so she kept it down.

Detective Esposito moved Lanie more into the apartment where her Dad, Detective Beckett, and Grams were gathering some food and drinks to serve everyone.

Lastly, Detective Ryan came over to welcome her back. And his blue eyes were looking at her with a mix of relief and fondness. She felt frozen by his gaze. Unfazed, he smiled at her and pulled her in for a hug.

He probably had only intended for it to be a quick hug, a polite welcoming hug, but her arms moved on their own as her hands gripped his shirt like it was a life preserver, so he remained as he was.

Maybe it was the long day and continuous bombardment of well-wishing. Maybe it was his blue eyes that had been trained solely on her for once. Or maybe it was his woodsy cologne and his warm embrace. Perhaps it was a mixture of everything, but it was at this moment that Alexis’ dam burst open and suddenly silent sobs started to rack her body.

She shoved her face into his chest as tears ran down her cheeks. She was still clenching onto him. She knew that she should really let him go, definitely when she felt him go rigid in surprise. But she couldn’t bring herself to let go and face the world just yet.

To her astonishment he melted in and pulled her closer. Moving his right hand to her head to stroke her hair as his other wrapped around her waist. The loving embrace caused her to cry even harder.

Between her sniffling, she could hear him whispering sweet nothings in her ear. “You are so brave, Alexis. You did so well. You're safe now. Nothing like that will ever happen again. I won’t let anyone hurt you.” He said it over and over, with some variations, on a loop.

Her crying let up and vaguely she could hear the commotion around them as everyone tried to come over and comfort her. Her father trying to come in a break them up so he could fix what was wrong, but she gripped the detective tighter. She just kept repeating the words that Ryan had muttered to her like a mantra in her head, finding comfort in the way his hand was still running through her hair. How soothing it was.

But she knew she had to let go, she was calm now and with everyone watching she could feel embarrassment starting to creep in. Alexis slowly withdrew from Detective Ryan, already missing his warmth as he untangled himself from her.

As soon as she was free, her Dad had her in his arms. “What’s wrong sweetie? Are you okay?”

She squeezed him back fiercely before letting him go. “I’m okay now, Dad. I think I just need a little time; I’m going to go to bed now.”

She didn’t plan to give him leeway for any type of counter offer he might come up with to make her feel better, so without another word she turned from everyone and calmly walked up the stairs and into her room.


	2. Shambles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan's POV

Kevin’s personal life was a complete mess. To be honest, the last couple of months had been in all accounts excruciating. Not so much physical, though the stress from the situation and lack of sleep had caused some physical unease. No, the suffering that he had been enduring was all mental and emotional torture.

He and Jenny had separated about three weeks ago.

They weren’t divorced but she had taken most of her belongings and moved back with her parents. They hadn’t talked in weeks. The worst part was that he didn't even want to.

It was no secret that they had been trying for a baby. Trying and failing for six months started to put a strain on their relationship.

Already, the sex was meaningless and unromantic. Kevin wouldn't go as far to say that he had come to dislike having sex with his own wife, but he couldn’t lie and say that it held any pleasure for him. He felt ashamed, but it had started to feel like a burden.

And every time Jenny’s cycle came even the slightest bit late only to arrive and shatter their impossible hopes, they grew more jaded. At first it was jaded at the world; they were still a team. But consecutive disappointments led them to quarrel and blame each other. Well, mostly for Jenny to blame him.

She had hinted that Kevin might be the one at fault. That he was shooting blanks. Small digs and sharp words had stated to make Kevin question it himself. She made it clear that she blamed him, and she made it clear that she pitied him.

He had started to feel like less of a man. Like he couldn't give his wife the one thing she had been dreaming for. A family. He felt like he wasn’t enough for her, like she didn't think a life with him was worth it unless he could give her children.

His ego had taken a big hit as he awaited the results of his test. During that time, they had pretended. Pretended to still be a united front. That it was still Kevin and Jenny against the world. She would whisper to him that they would figure it out, no matter what. But then the results came in.

Kevin was normal; he was perfectly healthy.

And it was like Jenny broke from the news. While Kevin was celebrating the return of his masculinity, Jenny was falling into the pits of despair. She wasn’t happy for him like he thought she would.

He remembers that exact moment when it all fell apart.

He remembers her pale face staring at him in horror. He remembers her saying, “No that can’t be right. It’s you. It has to be YOU! It can't be my fault.”

But it was too late, she knew as well as he that it wasn't him, she was the one that was infertile. She was the reason that they couldn't conceive their own children.

Kevin was by her side in an instant and was whispering the same words she uttered to him only hours prior, that he was with her and that they would figure it out, no matter what.

Her face was full of fury as she pushed him away, “You think that I can never be a mother!? It isn't my fault!”

“No, thats not all what I meant. It doesn’t matter whose fault it is, we can get though this,” Kevin reassured her. But Jenny wasn't having it.

“There is nothing wrong with me, Kevin. Don't you dare look at me like I am inferior, like I need to be coddled!” She spewed venomously before stomping away.

He let her leave at that time, thinking that she just needed some time to calm down. But she never did.

She had convinced herself that it was Kevin’s fault, and when they figured out that not only was that not the case but it was really herself to blame, she couldn’t handle it. Jenny was left bitter in her disillusionment. And she turned that bitterness on Kevin, because he pitied her. Because he made her feel like a fool.

They fought constantly over the most arbitrary things: the toaster settings, the shoes at the front door, which movie was better. Everything.

It was to the point that Kevin tried to spend as little time at home as he could. He started volunteering for overtime and picking up extra shifts no one else wanted.

Until he came home one day to a barren apartment and a note telling him that she couldn’t take it anymore and left to stay with her parents. She told him not to contact her.

He didn’t.

She hated him for making her feel stupid and useless. And he hated her weakness. That she would rather save her dignity than save their marriage. He didn't know how to forgive her for her choice. He thought it best for them to be apart.

For obvious reasons, Kevin threw himself into the job. His marriage might be falling to bits, but at least he knew that he was a damn good cop.

No one on the team knew about his personal problems except Javi, who he told one drunken night. Of course they all knew that things between him and Jenny was a little rocky but they had no idea to what extent. He didn't want their worry or concern. Work was the one place he could feel like himself and he didn't want that to change.

Thankfully Javi never put any pressure on Kevin to talk about things. But he was happy he let the truth slip to his partner, it felt like it was enough just to have someone else know.

He still felt wrecked and lonely and a failure, but he felt a tiny bit better each week that passed. Every time they closed a case and he reminded himself who he was before Jenny and who he could still be again.

Then Alexis went missing.

And the typical case they were working on became more personal and the search for the missing girls became more desperate.

He looked at Castle, his normally happy, sunny best friend, turned into a shell of himself. Kevin couldn’t imagine what he must have felt. His only child gone like smoke. The relationship between parent and child must be extremely special. Kevin wanted that one day even if he had to adopt, but would he still want to raise a child with Jenny after everything?

Then he felt awful, still worrying about his life when Alexis was God knows where, in danger, and scared.

He thought about her innocent doe eyes that would smile at him whenever they saw each other. Her hard work and determination when she interned with Lanie. Every story Castle had told the team proudly.

He felt gutted. If Alexis never came back, things would just never be the same. He could overcome Jenny leaving him, but he wouldn’t be able to handle another loss. They needed to find Alexis and get her home. For Castle. For Kevin. For his sanity.

Then Castle got a Skype from Alexis, and they found out that she was really in Paris. There was elation when Sara was returned at the drop point, but it was quickly followed by crushing horror when Alexis never came into view.

When Castle had left to track her down, the whole team felt a useless frustration. They were doing all they could but would it really help in a foreign country? They didn't even know if Castle was safe or help him in his time of need. Kevin could tell that it was putting a toll on Beckett.

During that time, Kevin couldn’t help but watch the recording of the Skype call Alexis had with Castle over and over. She looked so frightened, but she was strong enough to not let that stop her from trying to help herself. He felt proud of her and he dearly hoped that this recording was not the last thing he would ever see of her.

Thankfully his prayers had come true. Both Castle and Alexis were coming home. As soon as their plane touched down, Kevin, Javi, and Lanie were rushing to clock out so they could see them both.

Days of worry and frustration had accumulated and Kevin was sure that all three of them just needed to see with their own eyes that both of them were fine. And as soon as they entered the door to Castle’s apartment and Kevin could see that beautiful red hair, that feeling dissipated and was replaced by relief and happiness.

Kevin hung back, letting Lanie and Espo greet Alexis first. In the meantime, he scanned her for any visible injuries. She looked exhausted, but otherwise in perfect health. In fact, she looked like she had just left a photoshoot. Kevin felt shocked; he never noticed it before, but Alexis was stunning.

Of course she had always been pretty, but she was a kid. Alexis seemed to have grown up when he wasn’t looking. No wonder the kidnappers didn't touch a hair on her head, they dare not mare such beauty. Kevin shook away such foolish thoughts.

Then finally it was his turn. 

He opened his arms to indicate a hug while smiling down at her. But when he looked at her, her eyes were not showing the same easy-going attitude that she had when conversing with Lanie and his partner. Alexis’ eye shown with terror and need, like she was seeking comfort, but maybe she didn't want to find comfort with him. He hoped that the terror that he saw had nothing to do with him or his actions. Kevin would just feel awful if he had made her afraid.

He was confused, but he was already going in for the hug and it would be too awkward to back out now so he resigned to just make it as quick as possible. But as soon as his arms started to wrap around her, she latched onto him like a koala bear. Then she started trembling.

Her whole body was shaking, her chest heaving against his as he felt her face press wet prints on his shirt. Kevin was surprised and belatedly realized that Alexis was crying. She had seemed fine just seconds ago, but now she was weeping into his chest.

Kevin felt like she might break, just shatter to pieces in his arms. So he pulled her closer and on instinct cradled her head. His fingers weaving through her soft tresses. To console her he leaned to whisper in her ear all the things he had wanted to tell her when he was watching that video of her that week.

By now, her sobbing could be heard by everyone in the room and Castle had hastily rushed over to see what was wrong. He put a hand on his daughter’s shoulder trying to pull her away, but Alexis just tightened her grip on Kevin.

Castle gave him a glare saying, “What did you do?”

Kevin replied with a confused look of his own indicating that it wasn't his fault. He would have thrown his hands up in surrender too but he didn't want to be the first to move away from Alexis, in case the crying girl took that as a rejection. If she wanted to seek comfort in him, then he would willingly provide it.

So he continued to stroke her hair until she had calmed and started to pull away. Then she flew into her father’s arms only to peel away just as fast.

Everyone around was just as confused. But despite her tear streaked cheeks, her voice was resolved and almost steady, nearly not giving away her earlier distress, saying “I’m okay now, Dad. I think I just need a little time; I’m going to go to bed now.”

Alexis didn’t look at anyone, including Kevin as she walked up the stairs with slightly quickened steps. She might try to hide it, but Kevin could tell that she was embarrassed and possibly ashamed over her crying bout.

However, Kevin was glad she got it out. She seemed like the kind of person that likes to appear strong by hiding their vulnerabilities. Kevin just hopes that that won’t become a road block for her to move on from this whole mess.

After Alexis left, the mood was considerably worsened, mostly because of Castle’s obvious worry. So they ended the nights festivities early and all went home. It wasn’t until Kevin was back in his own bed thinking about Alexis and the way she felt, so fragile and small pressed up against him, did he realize that he hadn’t felt so needed in weeks.

When Kevin woke up the next morning he recognized that last night was the first night since he met her that he hadn’t once thought of Jenny.

**Author's Note:**

> There are hardly any fics for this couple, so I thought I would write one.


End file.
